NEWS FLASH!

My take on this headline?

"Fat, Old, Poorly-Dressed White Man Promotes Bigotry and Religious Intolerance"

This intolerant drivel motivates me. I want to make a tee-shirt. On the shirt is a picture of Jesus, sporting day-old stubble and dressed to the nines in Banana threads; he is surrounded by the Fab Five (from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy). Arcing over the picture is a large rainbow; superimposed over the rainow is the phrase "My God was a Fag".

I want to print several thousand of these, and have them all sent COD to Mr. James C Dobson.

I will have a mole in the USPS who will alert me and a camera crew when the shipment is to arrive. We will hide in the bushes outside J Diddy's fortified compound in Colorado Springs (which also happens to be the home of the US Air Force Academy, as well as NORAD. COINCIDENCE???) and wait in lie until the trucks arrive. As furor ensues when the heresy is uncovered, we jump out of the bushes with as many of the gayest men we can find while blasting "Disco Hits of the 70s".

Does that seem over the top? To me, it seems just about right.


One great big festering/
Neon Distraction/
I've a suggestion to/
keep you all occupied/
Learn to Swim